I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
