I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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