Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
