Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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