it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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