Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
