I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
