connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
