omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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