i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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