Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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