i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
