i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
