Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
