i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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