Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
