My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
