I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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