True but thats because hes a fetus.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
