she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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