He had one of those small greek statue penises
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
