I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
