just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
