Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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