Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
