Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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