Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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