Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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