she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
