She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
