omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
