Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
