He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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