He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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