i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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