you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She's like a pop up book from hell.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
