You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
