I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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