Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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