someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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