dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
