The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
