You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
