Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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