The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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