It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
