Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
its not stalking. its research.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
