i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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