I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
