I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
