I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm both gender and math confused
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
