Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
