if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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