I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
