You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
