My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
