it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize