Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
