My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
