I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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