god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
