Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
