We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
this will be a night to untag.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
