i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
