i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry about my life...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
