I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
