so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
