I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
