At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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