I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
