I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
