I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
