I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
