mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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