I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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