You work out of a Hotel?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
