Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
COCAINE IS GR8
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
