How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
whose ass print is on the piano?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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